Bad Buzz - Handling personal criticism in an evaluation

In the search for "How to respond to bad social media buzz", I've touched on comparisons to Responding to a bad report card, and Handling a heckler. Today I'll look at another touchy point that has some similarities - Handling personal criticism in an evaluation.

My sources today included:

• EzineArticles.com, Five Steps For Handling Personal Criticism by Olimpio Zapanta,
• FashionSenseClub, Personal Image Services, Responding to Personal Criticism, and
• LifeHack.org, Handling Criticism: 6 Options to Get Through It by Thursday Bram.

Handling Personal Criticism in an Evaluation
One of the most stressful moments in anyone's life is the dreaded Annual Evaluation. We're all familiar with this drama where your boss & critic spends a half-hour filling out a report about you and then invites you into a private meeting where they terrorize you with their impression of your performance. Okay - so hopefully it isn't actually that way, but it would be hard to deny that it always feels like it is going to be that way.

No matter what, there will likely be some criticism of you in that Annual Evaluation. Criticism can either be helpful and constructive feedback which will lead to a performance improvement or help you climb to the next level, or it can be mean-spirited and destructive which will lead to a reduction in your motivation and performance.

Whether you think you deserve the criticism or not, here's how to deal with it:

1. Keep your emotions out of it ... Count to 10. Personal criticism is too easy to take to heart, and difficult to get into your head. When you are criticized, it is much easier to get defensive than to stay objective. But, getting emotional or defensive when hearing criticism tends to draw things out, give power to the critic, and eliminate your opportunity to improve and grow. So, when your boss criticizes you, "count to 10", focus on the content, and get prepared to listen and enter into a productive conversation.
2. Thank the person for the feedback. This has a triple impact with your boss: (1) the critic hears that you heard them, (2) the critic's perspective of you is raised, and (3) it gives you an opportunity to "count to 10" again, and set up your questions.
3. Seek first to understand. That's one of the Steven Covey "habits". Quite simply it means that you need to ask questions, and get your boss & critic talking - regardless of any feelings you may have that the criticism is inaccurate or unfair. Questions like: "Can you give me an example of ...?" or "What makes my work unsatisfactory?" are good starters. When your critic is answering, be sure you engage with your critic through Active Listening techniques such as good eye contact, an engaged posture, allowing the critic time and space to talk, restating key points, and non-confrontational questions. Through asking and listening you should attain concrete and constructive details. If you haven't already got it, you may even want to ask for the criticism in writing, or for your official evaluation to be amended. You might even write the criticism down yourself, and ask your boss to confirm it. One clear advantage of this is that it gives you a written and mutually agreeable foundation from which to begin improvement.
4. Accept the criticism. No matter what, the criticism is somone's feelings - right or wrong - of you and your performance. No matter whether you agree or disagree with the criticism, it is time to accept it, and get ready to respond. By letting go of your own resistance and resentment and becoming at ease with criticism and disapproval it is easier to learn lessons and comfortably assert your own perceptions.
5. Deal with it. After counting to 10, listening, and accepting, it is time to deal with the criticism from your boss. You have several choices to be made:
• If you have made a mistake, admit it, apologize and move on. Among other things this lets your critic know you've heard them, and avoids a fight about the problem.
• Give your side. Ask your critic if he or she is willing to hear your side of the situation, and if they are, say, "I see it differently" or "I remember it differently." Then tell your critic what you remember and how you feel. But, remember, don't become confrontational.
• Reject. Some bosses spend their days dreaming up ways to criticize you. We're all programmed to do it. Think about the volume of block-buster and mean-spirited reality TV that's on-air, and you'll know what I mean. Consequently some criticism is unfounded, unacceptable and filled with negative energy. In this instance, your choice might be to reject the criticism. Speak up for yourself-- you'll feel better. Of course you might also find yourself out looking for a new job ...
• Ignore or Divert. These are the good cousins to "Reject", and you may not find yourself looking for a new job right away. Simply ignore the criticism. Perhaps pretend you didn't hear it. Or, start with the topic they were beating you with, and then take the conversation to a new place. Either way, launch a new conversation where you're in control, not your boss. Of course, that behavior simply shows that you aren't really listening to your critic, and it may just show up on your next evaluation. The long-term impact is that you might find yourself looking for a new job ...
• Resolve valid criticism. Take steps to improve by setting a plan with the critic. This gives you an opportunity to ask for help through their support, extra training, other assignments, and so on.
6. Enlist your critic's help to monitor your progress. You need to actively change your behavior, and also to monitor your own progress as you work to act on criticism and improve. However, it is also important to ask your critic (boss) to give you ongoing feedback (and to seek it out if they don't). Be sure to let your critic know that you want to change and improve, but that you nee their help and feedback to help you do it.

So, for fun and improvement, here's a comparison to my guidelines for responding to bad social media buzz:

• Be careful - Absolutely. "Count to 10". Focus on the content, and get prepared to listen and enter into a productive conversation.
  
• Contest fraudulent / wrong comments - This is a choice you can make during the conversation, and only after you have asked questions and understood what the criticixm is. At that point you can choose to tell your own side of the story.
  
• Write a response - During a performance evaluation, you are typically engaged in a conversation. If you get into writing a response you've ratcheted things up a notch, and you should probably have a look at Monster or Workopolis while you're at it. However, the conversation of an evaluation should give you lots of time to ask questions and learn more about your opportunities to improve.
  
• Fix the problem & upload a proof (like a picture) to prove the fix - This step is highly parallel to responding to bad social media buzz. In a job evaluation you should set a plan to fix the problem with your boss and ask your boss to provide you ongoing feedback about your progress.
  
• Report findings back into the company - By involving your boss in your performance improvements your boss should be able to participate in and enjoy your success with you. Consequently your next evaluation should be half-written by the the time you get to it (and it should all be good).
  
• Participation becomes content - As in the last point, when your boss participates in the improvements, it is a no-brainer that your performance appraisal will reflect the improvements.
• Bring in a professional - This is aligned with ratcheting things up a notch and going to your HR department for help (if you can't get your boss to help you improve, and / or if the criticism is completely unfair. Alternatively, it may be aligned with getting additional training by taking a course.
  

To sum up, the model for dealing with personal criticism in an evaluation is very similar to the model for dealing with bad social media buzz.

Now that I've gone through all of this research over the last few days, I think that next week I'll update my guidelines and process for responding to bad social media buzz. Stay tuned ...